19. November

It's only Monday and I'm so bogged down on work. And it's only just shortly after 9 p.m. and I've been wanting to go to sleep for half an hour now, so I'm not going to get anything done tonight.

The weekend was better than weekends normally are, I suppose. Saturday actually was going pretty well and I thought I'd make it through the day until I got drunk and when I drink my appetite goes through the roof. So I woke up Sunday completely bloated and gross and that just set a bad tone for the day. I ended up cutting at night too. Nothing even really happened, but my brain was all mixed up and somehow at some point my thoughts just started getting really negative again.

But today was good. I invited A to our Thanksgiving thing we're doing on Saturday, which I'd been wondering if I should. On the one hand, I really want him there. On the other hand, it's going to be difficult enough and I'm even more emotionally unstable when it comes to him (as opposed to fighting with my mom, whatever stuff like that). But I saw him at school today and I couldn't even really consider walking by without stopping to invite him and before I knew it I was smiling and doing that little head tilt/ hip drop thing and actually flirting like a normal girl and it was such a weird but wonderful feeling. Until now, "flirting" has been trying to appear socially stable and, on good days, like I have a sense of humor..

ANYWAYS. Good day. Soccer was fun too. I had absolutely no confidence the whole time but just kind of told myself I need to suck it up and if I want to play well I need to know that I can. And by the time we started scrimmages, I wasn't doing too badly anymore.

I'm working on a Thanksgiving article on FYB's tumblr, and I'll probably post it here when I'm done too. Tomorrow or Wednesday night, most likely.