15. October

Today was actually a pretty good day.

BFF acted completely normal at school- she even gave me an extra long hug at the train station. I still noticed that she talked with her other friend about her new boyfriend and didn't really mention anything to me about it at all, but I mean. It could've been worse. After school she messaged me on facebook that J had sent her a message wishing them all the happiness, blah blah blah. None of us really understood that; I think J is trying to create point she can use to say that she's "trying to be a good friend" and "BFF is the one who doesn't want to do anything." Alright. But at least it got the subject going and she was already online (I had her trapped- haha!) so I said that I am really happy for them, even if it was a bit of a surprise. And she said she does it spontaneously and we kept the mood light so I said something like that that's always the most fun. And then I actually had to go so conversation over.

Other than that, only good things happened. We had a test in sport (how many times can you kick the soccer ball against the wall from 4 m away in thirty seconds) and I was best for the girls (tied with J actually, grrr) and better than a good number of the guys. And I hung out with another girl and helped her practice and we talked a bit and that was nice. I like talking to new people. I feel like once people start talking to me they realize that I'm not completely antisocial and weird, I just need a few minutes to open up.

I ordered 50 Shades of Mr Darcy a few days ago and it was waiting on my bed today. I'm so excited to read this book. The only thing is my mom's super excited to read it too and keeps asking if she can borrow it when I'm done which is really awkward.

Food-wise I did well too. I mean, I maybe could've eaten a little more, but I didn't completely restrict? I'm using that nutrition tracker, at least for a week or so. I'm telling myself that it's because I really need to know that I'm getting the minerals I need (I want to be able to actually donate blood and not have to worry about my iron levels) but I know that part of it is definitely me wanting to watch what I eat. I have to be careful and stay healthy. It is nice to be able to see the days where my intake spikes really high due to a mini binge and then watch how often that happens and if it happens less and less. But like I said. I need to be careful.

There a really cute girl who rides my bus home sometimes and she was there today. And for pretty much the past few weeks/months/idek we've sort of made eye contact a few times but the kind where it could either actually mean something or it's just awkward coincidence. Then today I was on the bus already when she got on and as she got closer to me we made that eye contact again and I looked away and sort of smiled- and she took the seat right in front of me. So I mean. I guess if she were really creeped out she probably would've gone behind me- there were plenty of open seats. But I don't know. I spent the ride trying to think of a way to talk to her or give her my number. But a) it was a damn bus ride and b) this has awkward fail written all over it. I don't know. Now that BFF has her boyfriend there's no way I can even kid myself anymore that anything could ever happen there. And this girl is really. Effing. Adorable. And not in an obvious way, but I absolutely think so. I don't know. We'll see.

I also haven't completely given up hope on A or M (both guys, more long stories). I have a plan to get A- and come to think of it, M too- talking a bit tomorrow in our free period.

But yea. Today was just a good day. And I really want to keep it going tomorrow.