Real or Not Real?

I'm really trying to stay grounded right now. I know that no matter what my ED tells me, no matter what I think I want to or need to do, I have to stick to a normal, healthy diet. Just like the say to fake confidence and it will eventually come naturally, I guess the same applies here.

I started playing this game with myself, Real or Not Real? From The Hunger Games, obviously, but it works really well. If I think I want something or a thought pops into my head, I ask myself if the thought was real (my own) or not real (the ED's). That's normally the easy part though. Choosing to actually listen to it, even if I know it's not my own thought, is more difficult sometimes. Like last night.

But I've just had a banana for breakfast and I'm not hungry for much else (I think that's real). I want to go to the gym too, but I've been wanting to forever and I have a test in sport on Monday so a little exercise won't hurt. Exercise isn't something I've ever been worried about because even during my anorexic-tendencies phase I was never a compulsive over-exerciser or anything close to it. And the tension's been building up the last few weeks to the point where I feel like I need to get out and just run a bit to let it out. I used to love running, before my ED- once my ED started I actually liked running and working out less and less.

Now that I'm typing this up and thinking, that banana made such a difference. Whenever I get into little ruts where I start listening to my ED thoughts more, just saying no to them once makes a huge difference. It's nice to have the majority of my mind back.