19. October or, a Boy and a Bitch

Most of this doesn't have so much to do with my eating disorder or anything, but I realized that since I made this blogger and changed the settings on my app and everything, my old blogger where I would just post all the random things that happened that I didn't want to forget is gone. Or at least, I can't remember any of the log-in information.

So today at school I had two free periods and thanks to the exactly perfect classes being cancelled, A had them with me. And thanks to perfect luck and him not being stupid, we ended up sharing a seat the whole time which meant we were talking and hanging out the whole time and it was quite fantastic. And it doesn't help that he smells amazing, always very clean, which I find super attractive. Nor that we were... I guess it was as close as you could get to cuddling without actually cuddling.

What did we talk about again... A lot of just normal story-telling and whatnot. He lost his phone on the bus the other day. I stressed out about a paper I was about to turn in. Other things. But then I mentioned Adam Levine and that led to us talking about celebrities and our types and he's in love with Megan Fox and Vanessa Hudgens (at this point I started considering dying my hair darker...) but then, referring to Megan, he said, "Yea, she's exactly my type: unattainable." And I had the most idiotic reaction, something between a high-pitched "awwww!" and a bitterly derisive is-this-the-reason-he's-been-acting-all-shy-and-whatnot-if-so-kill-me-now laugh.

But maybe I did something right because as we were walking to our class together he asked what I was doing on the weekend. He's never really asked that when we'd hang out Fridays after school; he always left it with a "schönes Wochenende" and that was that. So when I said that I hadn't planned anything and asked what about him and he said he didn't have anything planned either, I was holding my breath to see what he might possibly have said next... And then I had to turn off to go to my class. But we would still hang out at the train station like usual, right?

As soon as we got off the bus, J completely threw herself at him and started her laugh-at-everything-loud-enough-for-the-whole-city-to-hear routine. Fucking hell. And they were both headed into the city, so I walked a little fast so as to be ahead of them, turned my music up to drown her voice out, and kept on going. A knows that I always go to this one store to pass the time, but I didn't end up seeing him. He really doesn't like J either though, so I'm hoping guessing he ducked out as early as he could. But so much for maybe making plans for the weekend. And next weekend I'm busy with a few birthdays in the family.

Anyways, there's a glance into my personal life for anyone who cares. I feel like such a middle schooler typing all this out. Even more so because it's bothering me so much and I know that I'm going to spend all weekend thinking about it. I couldn't concentrate in history at all...

Food-wise today was... alright. I think I'm going to do a little cleanse over the weekend, just stick to veggies and maybe fruits or something. The last week of binging left me feeling really gross and bloated, but I don't want to start restricting. I've stopped using my nutrition tracker because I want to try to stop counting calories, but that's such a habit right now it's going to take a little time. And I keep forgetting to call my therapist. Whoops.